Living with Gratitude

Today I am filled with feelings of gratitude. I don't know when I have ever had such a wonderful birthday. It seems like it has lasted a week starting with my sister, my brother in law and niece staying with us for a few days. They gave me a beautiful handmade silver ring as a gift that is embossed with the pattern of a leaf and adorned with three rivets. My sister is wearing one as well and she calls them "sister rings". I like that it has three rivets which I like to think represent we three sisters. Having them stay with us made my house feel full-vibrant and complete. Now that they have returned home I only want to hold onto that feeling as long as I can.



While they were here we attended my cousins shower for her second baby, and again I was filled with the feeling of belonging and completeness. There is something about being with people who share my DNA, who have known me my whole life...I see myself reflected in them and understand myself a little better for it. The shower was a sacred blessed event, not like any shower I've attended before, and I really feel closer to my family for having shared the experience with them. (Many blessing on the upcoming birth of your little baby girl cousin, Jen !!)

I spent my actual birthDAY getting my house decorated and tidied for the party. My kids were with me all day, and there were countless sweet moments were each would sing happy birthday and bestow a kiss. It was a mellow cozy day, and I spent a lot of it preparing the house for the party. I love to decorate and organize things so I really enjoyed myself. I also got periodic phone calls and drop ins from friends and family with birthday wishes, and that really made me feel special. Especially since this week I've been thinking a lot about the people who are no longer a part of my life to share these special days with me. Being so supported this week ( and everyday) by the people who make the effort to be a part of my life made grieving those I've lost a little less painful.

The kids were to spend the night at their Pappy and Babus house so we dropped them off there at dinner time. (they were so excited to sleepover!) We got them settled in and headed into town to pick up supplies, which we promptly left half of behind at the market in our haste! Jess had to go back just before the party started to retrieve the bag. :)

I had put candles and strings of white lights everywhere so it created an intimate feel to the space. Less folks attended then we anticipated, but it turned out to be the perfect amount. I got to have really great conversations that I will remember for a long time with the best of people.

Most of the folks who were there I have known at least half my life, and it was great to have them there. My friend Jessica Jo brought a letter I had written her when we were 14 that her mother had recently found. It was like opening a time capsule! After reading it I was struck by how much gentler my world view has become in the 15 years that have passed, though so much has happened in my life since that could of instead embittered me. I am so relieved that the challenges I've faced have taught me to live compassionately instead of fiercely.

Many conversations seemed to revolve around the passing of years and the sense of community that sharing that time creates. After most guests had left, the night drew to a close with Jess and I standing around with four very good friends, just laughing. Hardly anything was said that we didn't laugh about. The party wasn't the type of "rager" it would have been in the past, but I really wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Tomorrow I am looking forward to another celebration dedicated to spending with just family. My mother will of course be there, and with this birthday I have now been her daughter for a half of her life, as she was twenty nine when I was born. I am thankful that being born as her daughter I have inherited her love of exploring spirituality. And I am thankful to have been sooo fortunate to marry into a family I adore and who constantly strives to walk that same path of seeking higher truths.
My expectations for the day are only that I spend it together with some of the people I love most. Thank you to everyone who has had a part in making turning 29 the best birthday I've ever had.

I am filled with feelings of gratitude.