Define Success

Violet and Forest, 2008 *

I have found some really great mama blogs lately and I have really been enjoying them. Some of them portray super moms who seem to constantly be achieving successes on the homefront or in their careers or hobbies. But the ones I really love the most are the ones which seem relatable and honest. Here's a quote I really identified with from a blog I've been following , SmallThings: "If I am talking about canning homemade jam and sewing dresses here, you can bet my bathrooms are dirty, and my laundry isn't folded. "

I liked these simple words because I find a lot of parenting blogs tend to only highlight the successes in their parenting life without recording the challenges its taken to get them there. I think moms ( and people in general) are really hard on themselves and tend to compare themselves to examples that aren't complete. When I was struggling with a twenty month old and a newborn I felt like all the other parents I knew made it look easy. They seemed to have everything under control and to be completely at ease with parenting. I wondered why I seemed to be having such a hard time compared to my peers...

And then one day a while back, my cousin asked me, " How do you do it!? Two kids in diapers and you've got makeup on and your house is clean?!!" I could not believe she thought I was the one who had it all together when a lot of days I felt like a train wreck! But she didn't see the side of me that was struggling. All she saw is two happy kids and a mama who doesn't leave the house without mascara.**

That's when I realized that comparing myself to others is ridiculous. There is no way to tell how successful a person is or feels by watching from the outside. I know the old saying, "appearances can be deceiving", but I'm guessing being sleep deprived and hormonal interfered with my logic at the time.

What I have been thinking on lately is avoiding making sweeping judgements about myself or parenting at all. With my first baby I had a lot of ideas about the "right way" to parent and that involved some judgment of others. After having raised a second child the same way, and realizing that he needed a completely different approach, I know that there is no right way, It all depends on who you are and who they are. It all is completely individual. So it makes absolutely no sense to compare myself to others whether it is negative or positive.

So I like it when I read about or talk to other people who are open about their struggles. It feels so nice to be able to relate to someone while knowing we all have our own individual challenges and success. It also makes me feel more compassionate overall to realize we are all just doing the best we can.

* adjustment period!
** masacara is my "power suit" if I have it on, I feel ready to face anything. If I don't have it on, I feel out of sorts. Doesn't need to be reapplied or accompanied by any other makeup. Just gotta walk out the door with it on.