We are enough

Something has shifted for me in the past couple of months where I've realized that I don't want to always rush out to be part of the world outside. I had this idea of parenting and success that involved a lot of playdates, story hrs at the library with a billion kids, and organized classes like gymnastics, earning as much money as possible...we were doing it all and we were all completely over scheduled. My people are 2 and 4! They don't need to be worn out from all that business.

It was all stressful and anxiety provoking. My little people are so socialized naturally that that piece is not a problem for us. We are blessed to be part of a great community of people. So we have been spending a lot more time at home doing home like things together like weeding the garden, organizing our space, doing projects, using embroidery hoops, playing with water, hanging on the hammock, making iced mint tea and drinking gallons of it laughing with each other...

I have been embracing being at home in a whole different way. Now, this doesn't mean that I have completely stopped practicing Massage and Polarity,I am still working. I just shifted the amount of time and expectations I want to put into it. I can work full time later when my children are older, however, I can not enjoy their toddler years later. That is happening NOW.

And this also doesn't mean we aren't meeting with friends or getting out of the house. We are just ditching the stress.We are being less scheduled, more spontaneous. We are being more forgiving of ourselves.We go to the library when its a little more mellow. We limit playdates. We hang about and read to each other. I am learning to let go of what people want us to do or be a part of. I have given myself permission not to be available to everyone all the time. I have chosen to live a more present and conscious life.
I think its taking some sacrifices to make it happen. Working less means spending less. Also I have been working really hard to let go of the guilt. I feel a lot of pressure as to what I "should" be doing. I am part of an empowered generation that has the choice to work and/ or stay home. ( I understand, of course, that for some there is no choice.) But its a double edged sword. Work too much and I am not able to manage my home life and connect with my people. Work too little and it feels like I should be contributing more monetarily.

But you know what I have decided?

F that noise.

American culture is one that constantly wants more, works more, spends more, consumes more, needs more. I am sick to death of being part of that viscous cycle. We are turning into a nation who doesn't know how to be content with what we have. A nation who doesn't know how to experience being grateful.
And it is hard to stick to a budget in a culture like this. We are raised to equate happiness with material objects. I don't believe in that at all, yet I still find myself dreaming of a new car or an expensive vacation. "I will be happy when I have...." The problem with that kind of thinking is that there is always something else to want. So how could a person ever be happy?

I have found that I feel so much more connected to my kids, my husband and myself now that I am learning to let go of the status quo. I am pareing down the budget. We are being mindful of what we bring into our house. We are buying used and repairing what we have. We are making our own laundry soap for goodness sake! We are not focusing on what we don't have. We aren't focusing on what we should be. We are focusing on who we are and what we have. And you know what? By living consciously, it turns out we have EXTRA. I am am learning that I am enough, no matter what. And I will teach my children to know that about themselves. We are all enough!